BigTel's blog

A truck driver and his assistant were pulling a sealed trailer containing a tonne of live birds sitting on perches.
Including the birds his whole vehicle weighed a little under 21 tonnes.
He arrives at a bridge which is marked 'Maximum Weight 20 tonnes'.
The driver thinks for a moment and then asks his assistant to take an iron bar and bang on the cab sides to scare the birds off their perches. with the birds in flight inside the trailer a tonne of weight is lifted from the perches and the driver rolls forward to cross the bridge.
Clever?
Now here's the question...would you be happy to ride across with that driver or not, and why?

Ok this is another oldy:

Imagine you're a lift man.
The lift descends to the ground floor and one man gets in.
The lift ascends to the second floor and two men get out.
The lift then goes to the tenth floor and two men get out and three women get in.
The lift goes to the eleventh floor and a man gets out.
The lift then returns to the ground floor and three women get out.
What's the lift mans name?

Mind muddler:

A Hunter spotted a Bear Twenty Meters due South of him.
He raised his rifle and pointed it due South straight at the Bear
The Bear however was spooked and ran a hundred meters due East.
The Hunter again pointed his gun due South and fired and killed the Bear, with a single straight shot.

What colour was the Bear?

This is of course a logic puzzle and has a real answer, which I'll blog if no-one posts the answer or it's driven u mad.

For those on Broth who would like to know how to improve their work, I thought I'd like to share a few of the tricks you can use to produce more 'arty' works.

Aerial Perspective is what an artist would use to make objects dissapear into the distance. The technique has two main parts.

Firstly distant objects lose colour, they basicaly fade to grey as they get farther away. Look at the back of my liner in the gallery, the rear is greyed out making it appear further from the observer than the strongly coloured front.

The second effect is to add blue to more distant objects. The cooler a colour is the more distant it appears. Look at pictures of mountains where the most distant are blue and hazy. this is Aerial Perspective at work.

During My days as a cowboy erector (can't touch you for it) I found myself assisting a rather miserable electrician as he wired up one of the ovens we manufactured. He repeatedly sent me out to the van to fetch this and that, make the coffee, buy his fags (oh, that's cigarettes for the American readers, not...well never mind), so I was well fed up with him.
I decided to get my own back. As he was standing on a step ladder wiring up a light fitting above his head, I crept behind him and clapped my hands loudly while simultaneously elbowing the room light switch off.
I had, of course, badly misjudged the overall effect of my actions. When I turned the light back on I found that he had firstly leaped up in the air in surprise. This accounted for the Light shade jammed firmly on his head. Secondly he had steped back. This resulted in him becoming trapped in the rungs of the stepladder. He wouldn't have been so badly injured had his third response not been to switch on the lights in the oven, sending 240V through his head from the shade he was wearing.

Hi folks,
My name is Terry, and I live on the edge of a small town in the Midlands of the UK called Burntwood.

Born in 1953, I spent my early years as a baby. This seemed appropriate at the time. I went to school at four years old having failed my interview as a chimney-sweep.

At the age of ten I passed my eleven plus exam (I was big for my age) and went to Grammar School. I spent the next few years doing voluntary work as a victim for overstressed bullies.

I left school and started work on the first of January nineteen seventy as a laboratory assistant testing water. I learned a lot there, like, don't drink water, don't breath phosgene fumes from the sink and don't drink ammonia.
I used to mix up cyanide buffer solutions. My hobby was dipping a glass rod into the cyanide and dipping it into a beaker full of happily swimming micro-organisms and seeing how long they kept swimming. It was obvious I either had to get therapy or get out of there.

I moved to Industry and got a job travelling around the country putting up industrial spray booths, ovens and (yawn) ducting.
Now this job had an up-side. we would work as a team till about five o'clock and then return to the digs, shower and go out on the town. There was only one thing to do then...booze. Now I don't advocate drinking as a hobby but, well it passed the time till we passed out. This accounts for the hazy recollection of this period of my life.
to be continued....